It’s 4 am and time to get up, or so my little one thinks anyway.
As per usual he’s been working very hard the last couple hours at creating his diaper masterpiece. He just couldn’t wait any longer to show me.
I stumble out of bed after getting a "love kick" from my wife and head over to the babies’ room. My eyes are still closed, but that’s not a problem as I just follow the smell of hot garbage which leads me to his crib.
You would think it would be difficult to focus on your tasks while having someone screaming their fool head off at you…..and you would be right....it's very difficult. Working in this type of environment is extremely unpleasant.
I pick up Mr. Loud and Smelly and go downstairs to begin my day.
Quickly, I begin the diaper changing process.
“I wonder if I’ll get peed on?”
Funny how I lived 33 years without posing myself this question, and now I can’t go a day without it crossing my mind.
I quickly get to down to business. I remove the diaper, and begin the dreaded clean up. As per normal, I complete the job with more waste matter on my hands than was in the diaper.
Unfortunately, a clean arse has not calmed the fury coming from the little angel. This makes perfect sense as it’s been a whole 2 hours since he ate last: he’s starving.
As I listen to the beautiful music coming from the boy, I run off to get the bottle ready. This activity can never go fast enough for my liking.
“I feel like I’m missing something”
“Oh that’s it….no chest pains this time! What a nice surprise!”
I finish warming up the bottle, and quickly race back to the wild animal waiting for me in the living room. I pick him up. He makes eye contact with his breakfast and begins lunging his cry hole at it.
After several failed attempts at obtaining the food source, he finally latches on. He takes 3 big gulps……AND QUIET.
Oh that’s nice….you’re going back to sleep. Well, you deserve it, you’ve had a very stressful morning. You must be tired.