This letter will come as no surprise to you, as we’ve had many discussions over the years regarding your poor attitude, and odd behavior.
As you know, I’m very concerned and unsure as to why you picked me to be your soulmate. Never the less, I would like to remind you that your weird sexual advances are unappreciated and unwanted.
Please try to remember that you’re a cat, and a boy. And for the love of all that is holy, please refrain from caressing me while I sleep, as you know nothing good ever comes of this.
Also, I noticed you barfed on the carpet, 2 inches from the laminate floor…. again. This is still not funny. Your sense of humor is very, very dark indeed. If you keep it up, you’ll be entertained by my dry heaving as we take a little trip to the SPCA!
I would also appreciate it if you would take it easy on the dog. Do you really think it’s necessary to swipe at her every time she walks by? You’re starting to give her a complex you little arse hole!
So, just to recap:
Quit touching me
Find a new boyfriend
Your jokes aren’t funny
Quit being a jerk
Nano, you’ve lived a long and happy life filled with lustful thoughts and inappropriate behavior. So, at any point in the near future, if you should see a bright white light accompanied by beautiful music, you need to go to it…. Quickly. Don’t look back, just hurry along down the tunnel, and through the gate.
Don’t worry about your soul mate, he’ll be just fine.